You’ve recently had a breakup and now you are seeking solace in your bed. And even though you are in bed all day, your sleeping habits are all over the place, you are either sleeping all the time or finding it hard to sleep at all. You feel tired all the time and your drive to do anything at all has completely left you.
Its tough, You know that is best for you to get up, get out, and get active but you just can’t make it happen. Its a bad place to be the early stages of mild to moderate depression if you let it go on for too long.
I can tell you, from personal experience and from listening to other’s experiences, that staying under the cover is very dangerous. It gives your mind the time to wonder into some really dark territory. You can convince yourself that you are completely alone and that no one cares about you. In a matter of days you can completely lose your self esteem and self confidence. Changing this mood seems an insurmountable task. It isn’t but it sure does feel like it.
It is human nature, though, to want to reach out to others, to want to connect. It must be, otherwise you would not be under the covers because of a breakup.
Its the loneliness and sadness after a breakup that drives us to want to isolate ourselves from the world. No one, nothing is worth our energy anymore.
But you have to fight these feelings.
After some time in the bed, on the couch, or at the kitchen table alone there will come a time when you want to call someone, When that time comes the thought that no one wants to listen to your sad story may soon follow. Don’t listen. Pick up the phone. Call someone, anyone, well anyone EXCEPT your ex.
If someone needs to come over just to get under the covers with you, to hold onto you while you cry, call them. More than likely they won’t leave until they get you out of bed. Tell them how you feel, get it all out. Let them be there for you, let them tell you its going to be ok. Let yourself feel better for doing that. Trust me you will feel better. Now, you are on you way.
Now while you are feeling a little better. The first thing you need to do is take a shower. You are probably a little ripe by now. There’s nothing that feels as good as fresh clean washed hair. A shower will freshen you up and give you some energy.
Next, fix and eat a healthy meal and drink some water. You need to nourish your body and your brain. A nourished brain can think more clearly.
Once you have gotten used to getting up, showered, dressed and fed, schedule five minutes a day for self affirmation. Remind yourself of your value, your contributions, your goals, how there are still things in your life still living for.
Know that you are grieving. You have experienced a real loss and it’s ok to hide under the covers. Just be careful that it is not too long. When you lose a relationship, you lose your routine as well as a great many other things. People do like routine. When yours is turned on its ear you want to rectify it. You don’t, however, want your new routine to be sadness and lack of motivation.
Give yourself a time limit as to how long you are going to stay under there. Call someone to let them know how long your limit is so that they can come rouse you when you want to extend it. Talk through your feelings, take a walk, take a bath, and create a new routine. It may be helpful to get up each morning and write out the routine for that day until things begin to feel normal again. And then slowly but surely one day at a time it will feel normal again.
Elliott, Susan J., MEd (2009). Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened To You. Da Capo Press. Cambridge..