How To Feel Like A Whole Person Again?

How to feel like a whole person again

Break-ups can be very painful and can give you immense heartache. You feel shattered in literal sense as if broken into pieces. No one wants a break-up but if its happened to you  here are a few tips to help on how to feel like a whole again.

Accept the situation

Its happened and you cant change it. Don’t get obsessive about trying to fit the situation and try to get your ex back in your life. Think about the situation evenly with your head rather than your heart. Sit down and considering all the reasons for your break-up. When you do this it will help you realize that there were multiple good reasons for this break-up; two of you were not compatible enough and this relationship would have ended eventually. So it is better that it ended sooner than you wanted it to be. In this process of self-realization don’t blame yourself for the break-up. Often in such situations, both the partners are at fault and its key to see how both parties contributed to the breakup.

Close the chapter

After a break-up it is not wise to keep seeing each other even if the two of you have decided to stay friends. You have to keep your space and not see him, which means not seeing him, not visiting his family, any phone calls, emails, chat messages or Face book messages. If you keep seeing him or are in contact with him, you will keep reliving your past and it will become difficult for you to overcome the pain of the break-up. This is very important to get yourself back in senses and to feel like a whole person again.

Think positively

As already mentioned, there is a tendency during this phase to blame yourself. You want to take all the responsibility of the break-up and will start hating yourself. Though accepting your mistakes is healthy, but this does not mean that your relationship broke only because of you. You should accept yourself as a good person; you should think positively about yourselves and love yourself. Relationships do end and break-ups do happen, but that should become the cause of hating your own self.

Talk to your friends and family members

Family members and friends form a great support system and you should not hesitate to ask for their help. They are the ones who love you unconditionally and you require this love during this phase. Their love and care can help you in dealing with the situation and you will find it easier to get out of this phase and feel like a whole person again.

Do not be forgiving (at this stage)

Remember you can only be yourself by forgetting your ex and not blaming yourself for the break-up. You have to stick to this reason and the best way to do this is to enlist all the things your ex had done to break the relationship. So for now, you have to be ruthless and not forgiving. This is done to create a picture which describes your ex as the culprit and not you. Write down everything, how you felt due to his behavior reiterating the fact that you never want to feel the same again. Whenever you are tempted to call your ex or contact him in any other way, just read aloud these reasons. Think that you have been tortured and you do not want to get tortured again.

Get rid of memory triggers

It is always better to get rid of any triggers that take you down to the memory lane. Reliving the experience can be very painful and will not help you heal the trauma of a break-up. Remove any such things which remind you of your ex.

A break-up can be a really tough time which no individual wants to encounter. But if it happens, then, you should always keep in mind that it is just a part of your life and not an end to your life- you will get through this.

You just have to get things back on track- one day at a time..

How to Work Through The Anger I feel Towards My Ex?

Your relationship has ended and you are developing feelings of anger and hatred due to that.

Anger is a normal emotion that happens every time things do not turn out the way you would have liked them to be. Your relationship has not lasted a life time which you would have expected and that is creating all the anger in you.

The only method to work through the anger is to find ways to release it, dissolve it or channel it. Anger can become very harmful and destructive if left unexpressed and affect your future relationships. The key is to find ways to deal with your anger without taking it out on your ex! That would just lead to too many other problems!

Scream your anger out

Screaming it out loud is a very effective technique but should be done when you are lonely. Drive to a deserted or secluded place, close the windows of your car and scream and cry aloud. Say whatever you want to say to your ex, abuse him, insult him, and curse him. This will release all your negative energy and you will feel relieved and better.

Do some imagination and visualization

Imagine and visualize taking out all your anger on your ex. Do a detailed visualization of everything you would have done with your ex to take revenge of this insult and pain. Do this repeatedly to release all your anger. You will feel you anger getting tapered off gradually. You will feel a similar sense of ease as you would have felt if done this in reality.

Write down your feelings

Write down all that you feel for your ex, on a piece of paper, but do not post it or send it to him. Just write down all the anger simmering inside you for him, abuse him, insult him; write everything that you wanted to tell him, that how he has hurt you, how you want to take revenge from him etc. After writing your feelings you will feel relaxed and calm. Burn or shred the piece and you will feel your anger going away.

Hit it to get your repressed anger out

Hitting a punching bag, visualizing that you are actually hitting your ex can be a great way to control and release your anger. Scream his name every time you hit the punching bag; say all the bad things you wanted to say him and feel your anger going away gradually.

Take part in some sports

Anger is the energy that is trapped inside you and the moment you do any activity which releases this energy, may be in some other form, you will be released of the tension and feel calm and relaxed. Getting involved in some type of sports can play an important role in controlling your anger. You will find a way to vent out your trapped energy by using your body in some vigorous activity. Even if you have not been involved in any type of sports till now, this can be the best time to start.

Write a diary

Sometimes writing down your feelings in a diary also helps a great deal and can relieve you of the burden of a break-up.

In the end if nothing works out it is best to get some professional help. A psychologist will not only act as a person with whom you can share your feelings, but also guide you on how to deal with your anger..

Which is Better After A Break up –Breaking Contact or Staying Friends?

Coming to terms with the fact that the relationship is over is the first step towards successful recovery from the grief or relationship break up.

This will be (at least in the short term) extremely hard if you still keep contact with them.  After a break up both parties desire to start a new life, to dream a fresh. To facilitate this both of you would desire to not see each other at least in the eve of the break up. The new journey would best be walked by each person his or her way.

A break up is not what you envision while in a relationship rather each party many a times looks forward to a wedding date, a happy marriage, the children you will have and of course a happy life together till death do you part. For this reason you are so emotionally attached to one another. Needless to say you can almost not envision a life without the other partner. Then comes the bombshell that tears the inseparable apart, the emotional and physical strain you experience is by no means small. In fact to the point that it is almost as if life comes to a standstill in some instances.

Scientific studies reveal that the reaction of the brain to break up and the way it reacts to physical pain is the same. This implies that to the human being physical pain and break are translated the same. In other words to the brain relationship break up is a “physical pain “. And every time you expose yourself to triggers of pain you are torturing yourself more and more.

Trying to be friends in the short term will only add to reminding you of what you have lost and that’s going to hurt. You need time & space to heal..