Breakups are often messy, painful and draining. So much so that it is quite common to sink into a form of depression or even go the full distance and actually get depressed. If this has happened or is happening to you, it is perfectly normal to feel like this. Ending a relationship often triggers the four stages of grief or what is commonly referred to as the Kubler-Ross model. In her book, “On Death and Dying” she says that most human beings go through five stages as a reaction to death or tragedy; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
So don’t think you are weak as you experience this roller coaster of emotions, you are simply human.
That said, life must go on even after a break up. After all, you cant quit your job and become a hermit. You must carry on. This article will give you the tools you need to concentrate on your work and social life and eventually heal from your broken heart.
First you need to seek out a support system. This could be a friend, a minister, a therapist or a counselor. What this will do is give you an avenue to vent. Talking about things is a great way to get closure on a matter.
Find someone who will validate you, support you and encourage you. Find a person who will remind you that you are beautiful and valuable you are.
A person or persons who will remind you that your worth is in no way diminished by the exit of your partner. At this juncture, spirituality may also prove to be very useful. Talk to God, have faith and pour your heart to him. Doing this will bring you a measure of peace.
Second, you will need to stop reminding yourself that you are experiencing a break up. Avoid sad love songs and clinging to those things that remind you of your partner.
For your social life to go on, you need to avoid those places that you frequented together. There is every likelihood that you could meet him/her there with their new flame.
You need to fight the urge to call him/her or text him endlessly. One recommended way is to delete his number or even buy a new phone. If you had memorized his number, put your phone in a really in accessible place so that every time you are tempted to get in touch, the thought of the accompanying hassle will stop you.
Thirdly, pursue closure. This should be done after you have given each other some space and the initial intense feelings are gone. Find a way to ask what went wrong. Do this without seeming needy. If a conversation with your ex is out of the question, simulate one. Write an email to yourself enumerating everything that went wrong. Be honest with yourself, write everything that was wrong with the relationship and purpose to move on.
Where your job is concerned, this would be the time to challenge yourself and take on more responsibility. Accept assignments out of town, work longer hours and give your job the attention you would have been giving your partner. This sort of replacement will give you an opportunity to get away from it all and will force your mind to focus on other issues instead of dwelling on the break up. In addition, dedicating time to your job is very likely to earn you a promotion.
Yet another way to concentrate on your job and even progress in it is to go back to school. Get a degree or a master’s degree. Enrolling will keep you busy and ensure your mind is not left to wander. Better qualifications will eventually lead to better terms of employment. Excelling in his area could also serve as a powerful morale booster which will do you good. Enrolling for a class is also a great way to socialize. This is because you will get to meet quite a number of people and make new friends.
There is no guarantee that the pain will abate in a day. Healing is a process that requires time and effort. Ensure you do the work. I wish you all the best in your endeavors.
Kübler-Ross, E. (1969) On Death and Dying
Chuck Spezzano, PhD. (2001) Heal Your Heartbreak: How to Live and Love Again .