Will I Ever Get Over Them?

The times after a break up are very difficult to deal with. Getting to terms with the new reality that the person to whom you devoted your whole life to will no longer be there with you is not at all easy. Therefore I will not pretend that it is an easy journey but having been a life coach for quite some time and coached many through a break up let me walk with you through some strategies that have been quite helpful with many.


At this time you surely feel lonely and need someone to talk to. There are many thoughts racing through your head and numerous questions you have. Keeping them all to yourself is a great injustice as this could be a time bomb (and your ex, definately is not the person to talk them over with!).

That is why you need somebody to open up to, to have listen to you, someone patient to listen you as you tell of your deep pains.

Getting over the pains is a process that you need to walk through with somebody that cares and is patient enough to slowly take you through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. It could be a friend, a family member, a religious leader or a counselor.

Find someone and let them take care of you.


Believe me, at this point your heart is fragile, and could be easily triggered negatively. At this point therefore you need to be on a positive note, this you shall ensure by cultivating a happy calm atmosphere around you. For example by listening to happy love songs, cultivating calm and happy thoughts.

The vice versa would serve to worsen the pains.


Truth be told, like the adage goes the future is always bright. I do not by any means undermine your pain, but  there is life after the break up and that you are in control of. Choosing to remain in the past will do you more harm than good as it only brings to mind the broken promises.   Think of the bright future you desire to have and paint a picture of how happy it will be and start building your way to that beautiful future.


For sure you have many questions you need to ask, anger that resides in you that needs to be vented out. To heal you should get it out so as to create a new platform on which to build your new life. Perhaps a very good way to do so is write a letter or an email to your Ex expressing your heartfelt feelings, its not necessary to send it to them as most probably they will never really reply or agree with you. In fact the letter’s aim is to help you get out  the anger  off your chest.


Encountering your Ex is the least you would want to do at this time, especially when you have not fully healed. At this point avoid events where you are certain to meet them. Refrain from checking their face book updates, calling them, speaking with them and any contact with them by all means. The deference strategy comes in handy i.e. keep busy, postpone meeting them to later date till the temptations to do so ceases. This helps you to learn to move on with life without them.


You need to find the advantages of the relationships end. Ask yourself what benefits accrue from end of the relationship. It is hard at first but believe me, everything has its positive, as they say everything happens for a reason. I am certain you will find reasons why you would stay happy after parting with your Ex. It could be that you had been going through a learning experience, or being prepared by God to be a better husband or wife or even that your Ex is not your match.


I must admit being in a relationship one may almost forget themselves as they have learnt to do things the other persons way most often. Not forgetting one is so emotionally attached to their fiancées. This is therefore an opportunity for you to rediscover who you are, your preferences, your identity, what makes you unique. Decide what it is that you would want in your future relationship go for it.

I  again say that the journey towards overcoming the past relationships is not a one time thing but it is achievable and has been done by many people who have gone on to live happy lives and build great relationships. It starts with your strong will to do so. Yes you will get over them. Start the process today.


“That which we persist in doing becomes easier not that the task itself has become easier but that our ability to perform it has improved.”

                                                                       –Ralph Waldo Emerson..