Over the long term achieving acceptance of the fact that the relationship is over, and feeling like you’ve moved on is indeed the key to be able to see your ex socially and feel nothing more in front of them but cool cordiality- of course without having to pretend!
Being able to gain acceptance is the key step in getting over your ex but unfortunately, sometimes having the strength to face reality, straight in the eye, is not an easy feat; and, you simply cannot doing it all alone. So here’s some help about how to go about doing that:
Making sure that you’re reaching out to getting the right form of support from the people that you know love and care about you in your life is going to help you become able to achieve acceptance of the fact that the relationship is over.
Talking with your friends over the phone, over coffee, spending some extra time with family, making some social plans for the night, and resisting the temptation to run into this individual or think about what would happen if you ran into them will allow you to move on and accept the fact that this individual is in fact no longer in your life, and you happen to be okay with the fact; so that in the occasion that you do casually happen to run into to them you think very little of it and treat it as a neutral matter of fact. They are moving on with their own lives as are you, and that is a fact.
Sometimes break ups can leave you with feelings of hurt, inferiority, or millions of unanswered questions or recurring possibilities and scenarios of what would have been “If I did this differently” or “handled that better”, etc. So in all truth, all of these unsettled doubts and questions can be a huge obstacle which can prevent you from moving on and forward from the relationship in peace.
Naturally, in order to achieve full acceptance you must be able to obtain a healthy closure from your past with this person. This will help you rebuild your self esteem again by addressing those negative feelings associated with self, and will allow you to become able to fully put this person in the past and continue on afresh as an independent unit.
So getting answers form all your burning questions by either directly asking your ex about them, if you have them available, you must be cool and emotionally detached in order to do this though, otherwise you may be getting yourself even more so hurt; or, pouring your heart out onto an email addressed to them which you do not send, or venting to a trusted friend, or even a professional therapist so that you may feel purged of all those negative feelings and questions and become able to move one.
The key to becoming able to handle being around your ex in social situations, again, is in being able to turn the negative feelings that cause you to feel gloomy about the your ex and your past relationship in general into a learning experience which made you wiser and stronger as a person. Being ok that’s its over and seeing the wisdom in that.
Once you have dealt with your emotions you will be maintain your cool and your composure when and if you run into this person, as you have already dealt with all the attachments strings, have accepted the fact that the relationship is over, and are taking action to move on with your life.
Its not easy, its a journey, just take it one day at a time & you get there..
It is not easy to be asked to forget someone from one day to another without having the right or the opportunity to ask questions , give your side of the story and truly understand what happened.
Breaking up abruptly or without achieving any kind of reasonable understanding of why it was so is definately in my expereince the No. 1 obsitacle to attain a sense of healthy closure about a past relationship/ex.
Without receiving answers to your pending questions such as “why it is that it did not work out in the end”, “what if i had been different?” , “where did it all go wrong?” as these thoughts consume your mind wanting, trying to be answered, moving on from one day to the next can be very difficult.
So in order to stop the round and round thinking and get closure its essential to get closure on these unanswered questions. So how can you go about doing that?
Well its going to be very tempting to want to call your ex in order to get answers or explanations from them. If your still very emotionally about your ex its probbaly not the best idea to do this (just yet).
Your going to be angry, upset, perhaps even demanding and thats definatley not the best emotional place to be in to have such a emotionally delicate conversation. The last thing you want to do is get into a new argument.
Your ex will still have the power to hurt you further by saying things you just aren’t really to hear.
In fact, unless you know they also have attained a level of emotional coolness for themselves about the relationship, created by a healthy amount of distance between the two of you, they may not be able to answer those questions for you with a detached attitude; which, may lead to them, even if unintentionally, hurting you even more so and setting you back even further in your road to moving on from the past.
So, unless you are sure that they have found peace with the situation, and you have both had some serious reflection time, it is better not to ask them directly, as it may only result in perpetuating those negative feelings associated with the break up, and stimulate the hurt of the experience all over again.
Don’t put yourself through that. Don’t create an opportunity for them to hurt you even more. Think about how much you hurt now and the thought of that being worsened by the end of a conversation? Should be enough to put you off.
You deserve to have your questions answered and you will.
Don’t convince yourself that time is now. Its not.